Part II, a little late

Sorry. Some days takes time to get the rage up and the snark going. Anyway here's part deux.

EDUCATION The No Child Left Behind Act relies on broad and potentially misleading measures to guess at school quality, because there is no way to track individual children from grade to grade and see how they progress. School districts have no way to know which students quit school and which ones have just moved across town, which means federal accountability schemes have no way of factoring in dropout rates. A national ID database could allow for more honest accounting.

This one involves more reading between the lines. Inherent (but unspoken) is the fact that you will have this national ID even as a child. So there will be some kind of database that tracks you, from birth, and includes your academic performance and possible disciplinary measures. All tied to you. Talk about a permanent record! Honestly, how many agencies do they want to have access to these ID records?
I also seriously, seriously doubt that all school districts have no way of knowing who has dropped out and who has moved. And I wonder what will happen to the hundreds of thousands of children of illegal immigrants? I guess they'll just not get educated. Ooh, that's a good idea. No better way to lift people into contributing members of society than denying them an education.

SOCIAL WELFARE The tangle of agencies that work with the disadvantaged have no good way to share data. It was only a decade ago, for example, that researchers began proving that federal spending to reduce homelessness cuts costs in the prison, health care and welfare systems. A national ID database might lead to better allocation of resources, and quicker responses to emerging needs.

Those are some mighty flimsy connections, there, John. Q. Asshole. We only recently proved that more federal spending to reduce homelessness cuts costs in welfare? And therefore an national ID might lead to quicker responses to emerging needs? Huh? Again, if the point is that knowing who is involved in different programs aids efficiency, I still fail to see why the individual and discrete number we all already have - the one tied to our government financial business already (I'm looking at you, Social Security number!) wouldn't work for this.

IMMIGRATION A national ID would help Immigration and Customs Enforcement shift its emphasis off impoverished undocumented workers and onto the often unscrupulous businessmen who hire them. For now, if a businessman, a farmer or a labor contractor gets pulled over driving a truckload of illegal immigrants, they can play dumb — even if they sold the workers their fake ID's. "The workers aren't going to say anything, because they need the job," says Brian Poulson, the customs enforcement chief for California's Central Valley. "Am I going to get any material witnesses? No." The government's only real option is to arrest the laborers. "It's only the little guy that gets hurt," he says.

Um. Right. Because I think we are all totally 100% sure that these new ID cards will be impossible to forge. Those old state IDs? Nothing to it. But the new ones will be the most perfect things ever created. Maybe we can even get them tattooed or implanted!

As a parting thought, keep in mind that it's a pretty damn short step from having a national ID to being required to carry said ID on you at all times to being legally compelled to produce said ID if stopped and requested to by the authorities. A tiny little step from here to having to carry it with you at all times, under penalty of law. Is that where you want to go?

I hate ID cards

From an editorial in Monday's Times. Reasons we should think seriously about national ID cards, by Bill T. Asshole (spelled Douglas McGray). I'm gonna do my best azulita impersonation and break it down.

HEALTH CARE Today, if you go to the emergency room, your medical history is whatever you remember to tell your doctor. Health care reformers long to build an electronic health database so medical records can follow patients wherever they go. Congress passed legislation in 1996 to safeguard just such a database. A national ID network could provide the backbone, and the security.

OK. Where to start. What this does not say but is implicit in the use of the emergency room scenario is that you would be carrying your ID card around with you at all times. Otherwise why would you have it "in an emergency" more than any other piece of ID? No. What this actually means is that there will be a law that you will be required to carry this ID card with you at all times. Which might be useful in an emergency, but then again, hey, a right to privacy might be useful in, like, life.

VOTER EMPOWERMENT In 2004, Republican Party officials sent thousands of volunteers to challenge voters at the polls. They claimed Democrats were registering felons, illegal immigrants and people with fake names. Democrats said Republicans were trying to discourage voting in Democratic-leaning counties. Enough already: a national ID could replace voter registration bureaucracy and speed all citizens to the polls.

Riiiiight. I bet they won't disenfranchise black voters at all if we have a national ID card. In fact, since we'll all have cards, we'll all be the same. Racism itself could be eradicated. Also, um, aren't voting regulations set by states? I just have this feeling that states may not want to turn that power over to the federal government.

POVERTY Without a stable address or the cash to pay registration fees, the homeless struggle to get a valid photo ID. Even the working poor can find themselves without ID if a few parking tickets hit at the wrong time, and their drivers' licenses are suspended. A national ID would make it easier for the now officially anonymous to claim benefits, apply for work, get health care, cash a check, enter a government building or open a savings account.

Dude. I have this degree in political science, right? And another in urban studies? And I am totally realizing what an idiot I am. I so wasted my money because I did not even have any idea that the solution to poverty is a national ID. Does Jesse Jackson know about this?

Also. When your license gets suspended they don't take it away from you. Deputy Sachs does not show up at your door to hold onto it until you pay all your tickets. You can still use it for ID purposes. Also. I don't know about other states, but the Great State of New York provides a benefit card for the claiming of benefits. Also. Every state has this little thing called a non-driver ID. You get it from the DMV if you don't drive. It's just as good as a driver's license, but usually cheaper. If you were really concerned about ID for the poor, you would just subsidize non-driver IDs. Except what's stopping the homeless from getting ID is not the impossibility of raising $35 for an ID, but the lack of an address. So a national ID wouldn't have an address on it? Would it have your national ID number, and that would be enough? So it would have to be a permanent number that would follow you. From birth, maybe? Wow, that totally sounds like the world I want to live in!

OK, part 2 tomorrow (if I get around to it). Look forward to how a national ID will fix education, social welfare and immigration!

This isn't good

Secret programs to make history silently vanish. Awesome!

Reflections on an interview, or, are you fucking kidding?

A few parts of the NYTimes story on Trigger Dick's interview stand out to me. In the words of K.Griff, let's break it down:

He suggested that the outcry about his failure to release the news, and then just to a local newspaper, reflected the unhappiness of the White House press corps that they were left out of the first reports.

"They didn't like the idea that we called The Corpus Christi Caller-Times instead of The New York Times," Mr. Cheney said. "But it strikes me that The Corpus Christi Caller-Times is just as valid a news outlet as The New York Times is, especially for covering a major story in south Texas."

So you're saying... that the issue here is... that the WH Press Corps is a bunch of babies and they don't want someone the likes of Kathryn Garcia (cutie) scooping them. And with all due respect to our girl Kathryn, the CCC-T is not "just as valid a news outlet" as the NYT no matter how you frame it, being that the latter is--what's the term--a national paper. Furthermore, as he is the VPOTUS, this was not simply "a major story in south Texas," but rather, as we've seen in the past several days, a major national story. Points for the faux-humility of saying "it strikes me that..." though.

Moving on...

When asked whether anyone in the group had been drinking, Mr. Cheney said: "No, you don't hunt with people who drink. That's not a good idea."

Somebody tell that to H.Whitt!

As for that conspiracy theory?

Until Mr. Cheney acknowledged having had a beer at lunch, members of the hunting party had been adamant that no alcohol was involved. Katharine Armstrong, whose family owns the ranch, had said in interviews that Dr Pepper was served at lunch and that no one was drinking. In interviews with The Times and other papers, Ms. Armstrong heavily implied that no alcohol was served at all.

"No, zero, zippo, and I don't drink at all," she said in an interview published on Monday in The Corpus Christi Caller-Times, the paper she initially called. "No one was drinking."

But GUYS -- guys -- this is no reason for us not to take his word that it was just one beer.

A Confession

Dick "Shooter" Cheney is giving an interview right now to Brit "I am an asshole" Hume on FOX News and I can't even watch. I know I should, and I'm fascinated to know what he'll say (although I can kinda guess) but he's so awful, so evil, so scary that I can't even watch.
So there you have it. This is why I'll never be a great journalist.

Wonder how much body armor this would buy

The fuckers in the White House have spent $1.6 billion on PR. They have the freaking bully pulpit, the entire press corps, and they have to spend that kinda cheddar on PR? Let's recap, compadres. Your tax $$ going to pay PR agencies to convince you that you like what those assholes are doing. How does this not fall under campaign spending? Adweek has the story.

Actually, I'm Pissed

This is all very funny, but I've realized that this pisses the hell out of me. Dick (motherfucking prince of darkness creepy uncle evil) Cheney is a PUBLIC SERVANT. My measly-ass tax dollars pay his salary (well, ok, the tiny part of the money he makes that comes from his guvmint salary as opposed to the huge amounts he gets from Hallibuton et. al). He serves the American freaking people. When he agreed that he wanted to be the Vice President, he agreed that he gets no privacy. Who the fuck does he think he is to cloak every damn thing in secrecy? It's not his fucking call.

It's not cute anymore, Dick. He has no accountability, no one ever knows where the fuck he is or what the hell he's doing, he is doing illegal shit left and right, he's shooting people, and he acts like this is just fine. Like it's not our right to know what our Vice President is doing. Fuck him, man.

Dick Cheney shot a guy in the face

Just in case you forgot.

Last night's Daily Show was so funny. SO funny. They spent the first half just saying that Cheney had shot a guy in the face as many times as possible. At one point Jon just started laughing because the whole story is tooo funny. I mean, funny except for the dude who got shot.

To round up your conspiracies, currently two are going strong. There are two major questions about this incident: how the hell did it happen, and why did they wait 14 hours to announce it and why was it announced via a private citizen to a small local paper (who was on Keith last night and was super cute and is normally the health and fitness reporter)?

The first question is gonna be tough because only the people there were there, and I think they've said what they want to say. But why the hell was Cheney shooting behind him, when he must have known one of his party was not with him. And how did he not notice the bright orange vest the guy was allegedly wearing? They said that he was in thick brush, but if it was so thick as to obscure safety orange, wouldn't it also have provided a lot of cover from the buckshot?

The only solution that makes any sense (and I'll leave it to other bloggers to break down the official story piece by piece - I'm sure 100 Kos diarist have done it already) is that he was drunk. Most hunting accindnets involve alcohol (via the Bureau of Random Facts I Think I Read Somewhere) and you know, Cheney's had at least two DWI arrests. The Secret Service did not allow the local police to question him, either. So, you know. Do the math. Nonsensical story + history of DWI + hunting accident + a long enough time to sober up before going to the police = ??

The second question is why they waited to release the information for so long and why they chose to release it in the way that they did?

Other than the drying out period speculated above, it seems pretty clear that the guy was pretty seriously injured and the delay overnight was to find out if was gonna live. Let's face it - this would be a totally different story if the guy had died. So that's what the "details coming in through the night" that Scotty McPuffy was talking about must have been. They released it once they knew he was going to make it. Along with this theory is the given that this guy is more seriously injured than they are saying. Because if he's really awake and alert and fine and cracking jokes, why have we not seen him or gotten some kind of statement from him?

Put your tinfoil hats on and tell us any other theories you may have.

Does Dick Cheney have to shoot a bitch?

With all this snow, it's like fucking Christmas. DICK CHENEY SHOT SOMEONE. He fucking shot someone!
I'm so glad that this guy lived becasue otherwise I would not be able to be like this: ha ah ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Brownie's Doing a Heck of a Job!

Can it be?

Our old friend Heckuva Job Brownie is testifying (under oath! You mean, you can make people testify before Congress under oath? Has someone told Arlen Specter about this?) about Katrina. And it looks like he's decided to take whomever he can reach down with him. He seems to be placing all the blame higher up. That's right - he's blaming those FURTHER UP instead of underlings. And oh man, looks like he doesn't like Chertoff much. For further coverage, check every paper.

Can't help but think that this is interesting timing - yesterday there's a Big! New! Terrorist Plot! We Foiled! (which of course is actually, um, four years old?) and today there's this testimony that pretty much says that Bush and DHS really were to blame for the Katrina clusterfuck, not Ray Nagin and homosexuals. Huh. I wonder if we were supposed to be distracted by fear or something? Aw, but they'd never do that.

Secondly, interesting that this is the 2nd time TODAY that we have news that former Administration officials are pushing the blame up - the first being Scooter Libby. In case you missed it? Scooter says Cheney (or rather, "his superiors") told him it was ok to leak Plame.

I love it when they flip. I love it when they realize they care more about their own skin's more than Chimpy's pelt.

Is this a joke?

Being the kind of gal whose eye is perhaps more gimlet than necessary, I am constantly seeing things and asking, "this is supposed to be a joke, right?"

Today's example (and I think I might make this into a running series: "TiStBaJ,R?") is about the alleged plot to ram an airplane into Library Tower in LA (also to discuss: Library Tower? They have so many books in LA they needed a tower for them? Who knew? And yes I was kidding there, LA folks. Kind of.). A clever soul from the White House Press Pool questions Scotty McPuffy:

Q: Scott, I wanted to just ask a follow-up about the LA plot. Is there something missing from this story, a practical application, a few facts? Because if you want to commandeer a plane and fly it into a tower, if you used shoe bombs, wouldn't you blow off the cockpit? Or is there something missing from this story?

MR. McCLELLAN: I don't know what you're referring to about missing. I mean, I think we provided you a detailed briefing earlier today about the plot. And Fran Townsend, our Homeland Security Advisor, talked about it. So I'm not sure what you're suggesting it.

Q: Think about it, if you're wearing shoe bombs, you either blow off your feet or you blow off the front of the airplane.

MR. McCLELLAN: There was a briefing for you earlier today. I think that's one way to look at it. There are a lot of ways to look at it, and she explained it earlier today, Alexis, so I would refer you very much back to what she said, what she said earlier today.

Right. Exactly. Post-September 11th, you're not really going to be able to hijack a plane with a bomb. Not when we all know that what you're planning is to blow the plane up by flying into something anyway. So what do you do with a shoe bomb? Threaten to blow up the plane if the pilot won't crash the plane?
And, um, how exactly are you going to overpower the pilot and co-pilot and stuff with your shoes?

Doesn't really make much sense, does it?

So the question is whether this shoe bomb thing was supposed to be a joke.
Something about it sure sounds funny.

About those riots

Let's talk for a minute about the cartoon riots.
First of all, cartoon riots? WTF?
Second of all, THEY'RE FUCKING CARTOONS. WTF???
Third, the Danes? Really? You hate the Danes? I mean, come on.

According to the paper of record, Iran (I think) is going to have a contest of offensive cartoons about the Holocaust. Gee guys, way to make your point. Anyway, says a paper that doesn't quite get it,

Does Western free speech allow working on issues like America and Israel's crimes or an incident like the Holocaust or is this freedom of speech only good for insulting the holy values of divine religions?" wrote the Iranian daily Hamshahri, according to the Reuters news agency.

OK. You know what Hamshahri? I am willing to bet you a lot, like as much as your trade balance with Denmark, that yes, there will be people really really offended. I bet there will be people demanding an apology, which I am equally sure you will not give. Despite the fact that the Danish newspaper totally apologized right away. Beyond that, I am 100% sure that THERE WILL BE NO RIOTS. Rabbis will not be on the radio calling for the assasination of any Iranian citizens who happen to be in the wrong country. Death to Christiane Amanpour? I think not.
And then The Guardian gives us this:

The furious international row over the publication of cartoons satirising the prophet Muhammad intensified today when Iran's supreme leader, Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, claimed it was an Israeli conspiracy motivated by anger over Hamas's win in the Palestinian elections.

Um, yeah. NO. Just fucking no. I don't doubt that there are a lot of nasty things going on in the name of zionism, but no. And I'm pretty sure the Israelis don't control the Danish press. But then what do I know.

So the thing is, as we have discussed here at HQ, it's not really about West vs. East. Well, it is, sort of. And I buy into a little bit of that values vs. free speech thing. Furthermore, to look at this critically, there is a reason why people in the Middle East are pissed (and Africa and Asia etc.) and it is because our culture and our countries have fucked them and left them with very little to feel good about. And now we're shitting on what they have left. So yeah, there are reasons, maybe even good ones, for the anger.

And furthermore, I know there's a lot of talk about the angry and power hungry politicians in Mid East stirring the people up about this and fomenting the riots. And that's just effing sad because people are hello, dying.

But I see it about something else. It's about having a sense of humor about yourself vs. being an asshole. It's about understanding irony vs. not. It's about sarcasm vs. totally deadly earnestness. So those are the lines I am going to draw, and I don't care where you are from or what you believe. Me and my peeps are gonna be on one side, sarcastic, ironic, funny and free. Everyone else can leave. Me & George Clooney and Marilyn Manson and Dave Eggers and damn, even Bush the Father, vs. all the idealogues and zealots and un-ironists. I don't care if you're Ali Khamenei or James Dobson. You are OUT.

Any culture (country/religion etc.) that cannot take a few jabs, that responds to criticism (especially in cartoon form. It's satire, folks!) with "YOU MUST DIE" is not a mature one. It's not feeling too good about itself. It knows it doesn't have much of a leg to stand on. That goes for us and our "if you question illegal wiretapping you are a terrorist" and it goes for them and their "make fun of the Prophet and die." It is a sign of core weakenss.

So I say, viva playfulness and even ill-judged humor. You're all too easily offended.

I didn't realize it when I started this post, but now I do. What I'm talking about is postmodernism. Long may she live.

I Know I know I know

Sorry...we've been busy. Real busy. This is why I could never be a professional blogger. The pressure!

OK, there's a lot on the agenda today. There's yesterday's redonk hearings with AG AG (Attorney General Albert "Torture Guy" Gonzales), there's the budget that cuts everything but the military and homeland defense (wow, I kinda remember these sort of budget cuts during Reagan), there's the goddamned cartoon riots, and then there's the great book I just read.

So, easiest first. Sarah Vowell's Assasination Vacation is great. It is all things that you want from a book: funny, relevant, politically interesting, a little educational (who knew President McKinley was such a dick?) and in the end, about Abraham Lincoln. Because I believe all things should be about Lincoln, really.

I have to act like I am working today, so I'll try to get to the rest as the day goes on.

Oh and I haven't even gotten to Veronica Mars. Yikes!