Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Only the good die young

Assholes like this live to be 90.

Usually I believe in speaking well of the dead. There are exceptions, and you may consider this your pre-invitation to my 'Kissinger is Dead!' party.

Hours of fun*

*if you're a total dork

The Times has this hyper-cool interactive election map that lets you play with all the different outcomes and try different scenarios, with all kinds of information and graphs and ways to sort the races...
It's fucking awesome. Less awesome is that after playing around for a while (work? What work?) I've come to the conclusion that the Senate is out of reach. I'm more than happy to be proven wrong, but that's what I'm thinking.

Check it out here.

Friday, October 27, 2006

TiVo Alert!

Tonight, CBS, 11:35pm. Letterman v. O'Reilly, round III.

So far, Dave has totally cleaned Bill's clock, and advance reports on the pre-taped bout say this one is no different.

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Ich bin the zeitgeist

Lookie here at the Democrat's new ad:

The State of Stay the Course

As you may have noticed, everyone's favorite Iraq War Motto (Stay the Course!) has been consigned to the ash heap of history.

It's unclear what the new motto will be (Adapt to Win or Adapt and Change or something has been around, but nothing seems to be sticking) or even if there will be time to get a new motto before the election. Because the important thing, I hope you realize, is that the war have the correct motto.

If we can't sum up the strategy and goals of processes that will cost over a trillion dollars and hundreds of thousands of lives with a one sentence (and ideally, three word) motto, it WILL embolden the terrorists. And yes, you read that right, it needs to get done in the next 13 days!

Because all of this bullshit is about the election, not Iraq.

Doncha think it's interesting that after one, two, ninety (how long have we been in Iraq?) years, now that the war is irrefutably unpopular and is working against the GOP, we get this lame acknowledgement from the Administration that everything might not be going swimmingly.

On the face of it, this looks like a disaster for the 'pugs. Their whole W Cult of Personality seemed to be designed around his steadfastness. To be false or swerve a hair from truth would appear to be politically dicey. I know that's what those smarmy jerks at The Note think (link over on the right - they annoyed me too much today to link again). This school of thought says "stay the hell away from discussing Iraq at all costs." But I think it is rather clever and cynical. Follow me here:

The only people for whom Bush's unwavering devotion to more of the same was a sign of strength are morons. They're voting for the shitbag anyway (ok, for their GOP candidate - I realize Bush isn't himself up for re-election, really I do). They're part of that unwavering 30% support that he never loses. So he's not gonna lose them now by talking a little bit of re-evaluation.

The people that this new push is aimed at are the more moderate/normal/sane republicans and maybe some of the actually religious evangelicals. Folks who have some tether in reality and see what is happening in Iraq. People for whom the cognitive dissonance between what they hear from the Administration and what they see everywhere else causes them to question. I'm not talking about you and me, I'm talking about the marginal ones who would support the GOP, who always vote Republican, but are disgusted by the war and the way it's being carried out. So this is a bone in their direction. This is to give them just enough breathing room to be able to say, "Yeah, the shit has been fucked up, but look, they finally realize it and they're gonna get it back on track. I can now go back to voting Republican with a clear conscience."

Needless to say the joke of this all is that there is no new plan, there never was a plan, and all the talk of change is bs. There's only one god damned thing that would make a difference and that's getting the fuck out of there yesterday.

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Ladies and Gentlemen, Your GOP Candidates

And proud of each and every one of them we are.

AZ-Sen: Jon Kyl

AZ-01: Rick Renzi

AZ-05: J.D. Hayworth

CA-04: John Doolittle

CA-11: Richard Pombo

CA-50: Brian Bilbray

CO-04: Marilyn Musgrave

CO-05: Doug Lamborn

CO-07: Rick O'Donnell

CT-04: Christopher Shays

FL-13: Vernon Buchanan

FL-16: Joe Negron

FL-22: Clay Shaw

ID-01: Bill Sali

IL-06: Peter Roskam

IL-10: Mark Kirk

IL-14: Dennis Hastert

IN-02: Chris Chocola

IN-08: John Hostettler

IA-01: Mike Whalen

KS-02: Jim Ryun

KY-03: Anne Northup

KY-04: Geoff Davis

MD-Sen: Michael Steele

MN-01: Gil Gutknecht

MN-06: Michele Bachmann

MO-Sen: Jim Talent

MT-Sen: Conrad Burns

NV-03: Jon Porter

NH-02: Charlie Bass

NJ-07: Mike Ferguson

NM-01: Heather Wilson

NY-03: Peter King

NY-20: John Sweeney

NY-26: Tom Reynolds

NY-29: Randy Kuhl

NC-08: Robin Hayes

NC-11: Charles Taylor

OH-01: Steve Chabot

OH-02: Jean Schmidt

OH-15: Deborah Pryce

OH-18: Joy Padgett

PA-04: Melissa Hart

PA-07: Curt Weldon

PA-08: Mike Fitzpatrick

PA-10: Don Sherwood

RI-Sen: Lincoln Chafee

TN-Sen: Bob Corker

VA-Sen: George Allen

VA-10: Frank Wolf

WA-Sen: Mike McGavick

WA-08: Dave Reichert

Thursday, October 19, 2006

The Dunk

You know what? It's my blog, and I'll post what I want. Screw politics.

Ladies and Gentlemen, John Starks.



Man that feels good.

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

On Democrats and Knickerbockers

Hey guys - been a long time. Sorry - there's all this shit happening in the world and I'm too busy writing damn TPS reports to post.

It's interesting because, much like back when I used to keep a journal but stopped when I realized I only wrote when I was unhappy, when there is nothing directly outraging me I find I have little to post about. That's when we get these long gaps and/or the random philisophical musings. So the fact that the mid-term election news, at least right now, seems pretty positive, leaves me in a weird outrage-free zone. And yes, it looks good right now.

I wonder. If I'm watching a basketball game and the Knicks are ahead with a few minutes to go (ok - use your imagination - I know the Knicks haven't been ahead in a game since 2001) I can't relax. I can't believe that they'll win. Furthermore, I believe intensely and truly that my actions and my beliefs have a direct effect on the game. If I let myself get lazy and assume anything, it will make them lose. If they're on fire and I change the channel/change position etc. and they go cold, it's my fault. I believe this, and really it isn't any weirder to believe this than it is to believe that Jesus was resurrected from the dead.

So I wonder if politics works the same way. Will I jinx the whole country if I think we can win? You may say that I am not that powerful, but you know, butterfly wings and shit like that. So whatever good juju rituals you have, get 'em ready. We're in the beginning of the 4th quarter here and we're ahead by a few points, but Reggie goddamned Miller is on the other team. Those last two minutes are going to really count.

Give money. Give time. Let's make this a blowout.

Friday, October 13, 2006

The real menace to American kids

This is a Bill Maher piece in Salon.
Yes, too busy/lazy to write my own posts this week. Enjoy!

"If you think the worst thing Congress doesn't protect young people from is Mark Foley, wake up and smell the burning planet. The ice caps are cracking, the coral reefs are bleaching, and we're losing two species an hour. The birds have bird flu, the cows have mad cow, and our poisoned groundwater has turned spinach into a side dish of mass destruction. Our schools are shooting galleries, our beaches are cancer wards, and under George W. Bush -- for the first time in 45 years -- our country's infant mortality rate actually went up.
Read the labels on your food. It turns out the healthiest thing you can put in your body is Mark Foley's penis. He was probably the first fruit those pages ever came into contact with that wasn't drenched in pesticide.
But that's America for you -- a red herring culture, always scared of the wrong things. The fact is, there are a lot of creepy middle-aged men out there lusting for your kids. They work for MTV, the pharmaceutical industry, McDonald's, Marlboro and K Street. And recently, there's been a rash of strangers making their way onto school campuses and targeting our children for death. They're called military recruiters.
More young Americans were crippled in Iraq last month than in any month in the past three years. And the scandal is that Mark Foley wants to show them a good time before they go? When will our closeted gay congressmen learn? Our boys aren't for pleasure. They're for cannon fodder. They shouldn't be another notch on your bedpost. They should be a comma in Bush's war. If I hear a zipper, it had better be on a body bag.
Why aren't Democrats and the media hammering away every day about who we're supposed to be fighting for over there and what the plan is. Yes, Mark Foley was wrong to ask teenagers how long their penises were -- but at least someone on Capitol Hill was asking questions. We're the predators. Because we have an entire economy built on asking young people what they want, making the cheapest, sleaziest form of it they'll accept, and selling it to them until they choke on it and die.

You know who's grabbing your kids at too young an age? Merck, Pfizer and GlaxoSmithKline, by convincing you they're depressed, hyperactive or suffering from attention-deficit disorder and so they must all get medicated. The drug dealers hooking your kids aren't in South America, they're in the halls of Congress handing out campaign donations to your congressmen. Mark Foley says he never slept with those kids, and I believe him, because American children are so hopped up on pills I doubt any of them could get it up.

From 1995 to 2002, the number of children prescribed antipsychotic drugs increased by over 400 percent. Either our children are going insane -- which we might look on as a problem -- or, more likely, we have, for profit, created a nation of little junkies. So stop already with the righteous moral indignation about predators -- this whole country is trying to get inside your kid's pants because that's where he keeps the money Daddy gave him to stay out of his hair.

I don't care if Mark Foley had been asking boys to describe their penises because I have some sad news for you: Your kid is so larded out on Cheetos and Yoo-hoo, he can't even see his penis. We live in a country where the ultimate consumer is an obese 16-year-old hooked up at one end to a Big Gulp and at the other to a PlayStation. So many of our kids today are fat drug addicts, it's almost as if Rush Limbaugh had had puppies.

In conclusion, we can pretend that the biggest threat to "our children" is some creep on the Internet, or we can admit it's Mom and Dad. When your son can't find France on a map, or touch his toes with his hands, or understand that the ads on TV are lying -- including the one in which the Marine turns into Lancelot -- then the person fucking him is you."

Friday, October 06, 2006

A week of Foley

That's right friends, it's been a full week of Foleymania. I'm already sort of Foleyfatigued. But Foleygate marches on, and attention must be paid.

You may have noticed that yesterday with Hastert's presser the GOP is trying to "turn the corner" on Foley and bring us back to the War on Terra. I do think that they have finally managed to get some conference calls together and hash out some talking points, because instead of finger-pointing and denials like earlier in the week, all I've heard out of them for the last day has been that it's the Democrat's fault. I can't really follow the logic to this one, but it's something along the lines of:

- The Dems knew and were holding on to the information until it just before the election [never mind that if this was the case they would do it even closer to the election and that every single shred of evidence so far points to it coming from within the GOP]

- The Dems have had so many worse sex scandals [but then, the Christian Right is not our base. Oh, also, the Democratic congressman & pageboy thing was in the 70's, which means we should be glad they weren't snorting coke off each other's ass cracks as well. I mean, it was the 70's folks. Get real. Oh yeah, and Monica was a consenting adult.]

- If the Dems press too hard on this they will turn off voters [this is a pure talking point. You will notice that Democrats in all levels of the party have been remarkably quiet about the whole thing.]

- This is all being pushed by the liberal media/ABC/George Soros as a political stunt [ok, whatevs. ABC is currently being boycotted by a lot of liberals for that Path to 9/11 biz, and The Washington Times, which has called for Hastert's resignation, is not exactly liberal.]

and on and on.

The point of all of this is that they are blaming the Democrats. It reaches into the deepest recesses of inanity that this could even be entertained for a second, but there it is. The fact that a republican congressman like to engage in cybersex with underage boys and the GOP leadership covered it up is the fault of the Democrats. Yeah. Sure. Who the fuck will buy that? you say.

The truth is they don't give a rat's ass if you buy it. This isn't about you. This isn't about winning back the public or making them look good to the press. This is about do or die electoral politics, and all they need to do, all they are trying to do, is keep the base from abandoning them. They are just trying to add a little fuel to the already gasoline-addled brains of the hard right who are convinced (despite all evidence to the contrary) that George Soros runs the world. They're just trying to give a half-way decent excuse to the evangelicals who want to vote for them but are sorta icked by this whole business. So when you hear them talk this insanity (and really it's a good rule in general) realize that most people - the vast majority of the country - totally see through their shit. That's not the point. The point is just to get the base to the polls. If they can do that they win, and they know it.

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Rumors of War

Wanna play conspiracy?

There are vague, disparate, slightly crazed hints of rumors spreading around the internets that we are about to attack Iran. There were alleged Karl Rove comments to the effect of "don't be afraid my Republican children, we have a doozy of an October surprise for you!" There is some sort of naval deployment to the Gulf underway, there are individual reports from people around military bases claiming that there has been unusual activity, and there are reports that large amounts of money on Wall Street have been shorted (is that the right term?) for October 6th.

All of this means exactly nothing. I didn't even link to anything for you because I haven't seen anything that seems in any way concrete or even informative. But I thought you'd like to know, and of course if we do start bombing Iran on Friday, just before I tear out my hair and then drive to Canada I'll be able to say that I called it.

Oh, OK, y'all are too cute. Here's a one-stop shopping link to a lot of the crazy rumors on the tubes. Take it all with a grain of salt. Then get a little scared.

VERONICA MARS ALERT!

This is it heroes - the long-awaited Veronica Mars season three premiere is TODAY, Tuesday, October 3rd on the CW. What's the CW? It's the new network made out of the bits of UPN and the WB. It's probably on your old WB channel, but in case you can't find it or don't know, check here.

See Veronica at college! See Logan be hot! Watch watch watch! Tell everyone you know to watch! Yay Veronica Mars!

And just because it's always the right time, ladies and gentlemen, The Camelot:

Monday, October 02, 2006

FYI

I hope you've realized by now that (depending on how things play out) this whole Foley matter (FoleyGate? PageGate? IMGate? AreYouFuckingKiddingMeGate?) has the power to give the Dems control of both houses of congress. Would I rather win based on a public realization of the lies that they have been told and the uncountable destruction this administration hath wrought? Sure. Will I settle for a sad, middle aged closeted gay congressman sliming all over teenage boys? Hell fucking yeah.

One thing to keep in mind as this is framed (and please repeat whenever possible) that the republican leadership's claim that they only knew about the fairly innocent (if CREEPY) emails, and not the totally off the chain IMs, makes them just as culpable. It took less than one day after ABC broke the story for the IMs to come out. Any kind of even quarter-assed investigation would have uncovered the truly salacious stuff pretty damn fast. So in effect, id doesn't matter whether the House leadership only knew about the emails, because if they were informed of them, and did an investigation (as they claim) then they either uncovered the other stuff and hid it, or they did a criminally poor investigation. Either way, they must resign. And in fact, they may.

The smart question is: what are Rove & Co. going to come up with to counteract this?

Update: we must now scrub ourselves until we bleed.